Friday, January 29, 2010

My prayer

A friend of mine once asked, "Why do we tend to ignore people that loves us terribly, but keep chasing the ones we can't get?" Well, i've asked myself the same thing, since long time ago (no, in my case the objects are not only people, but the whole thing in this world. But if I have to specify, the object is : dreams). I got the answers, but keep asking myself the same questions (I guess the answers are not quite satisfying).

I know I have so many dreams and interests that are worlds apart from where I am and where they planned me to go. Look, I've always wanted to be a pilot. And an astronaut. Silly, I know. Some kinda childish-dreams, briefly. But I realize that I am 18 years old and here I am, still wanting to catch those dreams, even when people laugh at me when they know it. Even when I am now, got into what-they-called the best law school in the country, that people would study days and nights, like they're dying, to get into that law school. Yeah people would. But not me.

Me, myself, don't even know why I passed the examination test. (Well, maybe mother's prayer works. My mom has always wanted me to get into this law school). But I didn't study hard like most of my friends do, I even escaped to Puncak and went to the cinema the nights before the exam. I was playing with my iPod the whole time, while most of my friends were having the 'Sukses SNMPTN' books on their hands and pencil at the other hand. I didn't feel nervous at the exam day. I didn't curious to know the result. At all.
I didn't expect to pass the exam.
And I did laugh, when I knew that I passed it, and registered as a freshman in that university. You can call me the most ungrateful creature on earth.

I didn't even think that I would enter that law school after the examination results are announced : Azizah Mutia Karim, approved. But my friends, the ones who studied hard to get into that school, cursed me "Gila lo Mut kalo FHUI lo lepas, gw gak tau lagi deh yang ada di otak lo tuh apa." Many of them gave me the same words. Karena wkt itu gw lg bingung sama banyak pilihan, trs jadi tiba2 dengan keterimanya gw di FHUI ini bikin otak gw mikir 'perhaps this is fate, God have given me the sign from up above, and showed me the road I should walk in'. So I made up my mind to got into that law school.

However, I am grateful to have what most of people always dreamed of, without dreaming it. The only problem is : they're not my dreams to catch. I have no interest in catching them. Maybe that's why I have no motivation in studying law.
As time goes by, sometimes I have this thought popped up on my mind : "Perhaps this is not what they called fate. Perhaps God opened up this road for me, but the rest, is up to me."
True, the choice is still mine. God only gave me more choices. Doesn't mean that I was meant to take this road.

Staring blankly ahead, keep questioning if this is the life I want.

Oh please God, help me to love those gifts you've given to me.


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