Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Idiot


Hey shining stars up there,
A man once sang to me, "Go wherever your passion go. You don't chase success there, success chases you."
And I wonder how that place is gonna be :

A wonderful place, where the world is not a race.
Where you find no pressure in achieving goals,
Not a place for kicking other's butt just to win the award.
A place where the world is your own playground.
Where you'll do your best for your own fun, for your own satisfaction.
In there, you play your part with everything you have.
Oh, I believe this is where I'll choose myself to be.
I'll let the world smiles at me.

Wait... Where was I when I woke up this morning?
Did I get lost while I was gone? Did I travel my dream for too long?
Cause I see myself doing what has never crossed to my mind.
I found me dealing with a job I used to curse on!
Am I sleeping with my eyes wide open?
Tell me I am sleeping!! And this is only a nightmare.
No. Wait! Am I living my worst nightmare???

Tell me : I am an idiot.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

HV A NICE DAY


Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life?
Who are you to tell me if it's black or white?

Oh, if there's one thing I hang onto, that gets me through the night
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life
Shining like a diamond, rolling with a dice
Standing on the ledge, I'll show the wind how to fly
When the world gets in my face, I say "Have a nice day!!"

Take a look around you, nothing's what it seems
We're living in the broken home of hopes and dreams
Let me be the first to shake a helping hand
Anybody brave enough to take a stand?

Oh, if there's one thing I hang onto, that gets me through the night
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life!
Shining like a diamond, rolling with a dice
Standing on the ledge, I'll show the wind how to fly
When the world gets in my face, I say "Have a nice day!!"

When the world keeps trying to drag me down,
Gotta raise my hand, gonna stand my ground,
Well I say, "Have nice day, HAVE A NICE DAY!!"

(Adopted from Have A Nice Day - Bon Jovi)

Sunday, January 31, 2010

"Ada yang hilang"

Kamu datang menangis kepadaku
Patah hati, katamu
Aku memelukmu dan tersenyum,"tenang, aku disini bersamamu"
Kemudian kuceritakan dongeng yang lucu
Sebelum kering air matamu
Kau tertawa dengan airmata masih di pipimu
Lalu kau tersenyum, "oh kau memang teman baikku"
Aku tertawa kecil dan merangkulmu

Berlalu sudah sakit hatimu
Kau datang menertawai kepedihanmu waktu itu
Kita tertawa
Kau pamerkan betapa hebatnya kau bisa melupakan kepedihanmu
Tunduk salut aku padamu

Hariku diisi oleh canda tawamu
Canda tawa kita
Kau buat aku tertawa dari muramku
Sungguh hebat kau sahabatku
Kau sempat katakan padaku "kaulah yang terbaik yang ada di hidupku"
Aku tertawa kecil, ingin ku merangkulmu

Saat perpisahan tiba, ku terdiam melihatmu pergi dari sisiku
Kau menoleh ke arahku, melemparkan senyumanmu
Aku tahu kau akan terus menjadi teman baikku
"Selamat jalan kawan" kataku

Lama tak mendengar kabar darimu
Aku berusaha menghubungimu
Tak kunjung kudengar balasan darimu
Aku terus menunggumu, di siang dan malamku
"Mungkin sinyal handphone dan koneksi internet sedang bermasalah" pikirku

Suatu hari kau datang menyapaku
Aku tersenyum lebar di dalam hati
Betapa aku merindukanmu
Kau tanyakan kabarku dan kau beritakan kabarmu
Senyum di dalam hatiku makin terekah

Kau ceritakan padaku tentang teman barumu
Teman-teman yang sekarang mengisi harimu
Tentang betapa senang kau bersamanya
Kemudian kau diam seribu bahasa setelah habis ceritamu,
Ketika baru mau mulai ceritaku
"Hmm mungkin kamu sedang sibuk, kusimpan saja dulu ceritaku"
Setelah itu tak lagi kudapatkan kabar darimu

Disini aku tertegun
Mengetahui selama ini kau sibuk dengan teman barumu
Mengetahui bahwa penantianku tidak dibalas dengan penantianmu padaku
Membayangkan kau sedang bercerita penuh semangat pada teman barumu,
Sementara aku disini merindukanmu
Ceritamu habis untukku, telah lebih dahulu dibagi bersamanya
Tawamu habis untukku, mungkin lebih indah tertawa bersamanya
Sementara aku masih tertegun menunggumu
Mengucapkan setidaknya sepatah kata padaku, kata apapun
Tapi tampaknya kamu lebih bahagia dengan teman barumu
Daripada mengucapkan sepatah kata untukrku

Mungkin aku telah terhapus dalam ingatanmu
Oh, atau mungkin aku hanya sebuah jembatan bagimu


Friday, January 29, 2010

My prayer

A friend of mine once asked, "Why do we tend to ignore people that loves us terribly, but keep chasing the ones we can't get?" Well, i've asked myself the same thing, since long time ago (no, in my case the objects are not only people, but the whole thing in this world. But if I have to specify, the object is : dreams). I got the answers, but keep asking myself the same questions (I guess the answers are not quite satisfying).

I know I have so many dreams and interests that are worlds apart from where I am and where they planned me to go. Look, I've always wanted to be a pilot. And an astronaut. Silly, I know. Some kinda childish-dreams, briefly. But I realize that I am 18 years old and here I am, still wanting to catch those dreams, even when people laugh at me when they know it. Even when I am now, got into what-they-called the best law school in the country, that people would study days and nights, like they're dying, to get into that law school. Yeah people would. But not me.

Me, myself, don't even know why I passed the examination test. (Well, maybe mother's prayer works. My mom has always wanted me to get into this law school). But I didn't study hard like most of my friends do, I even escaped to Puncak and went to the cinema the nights before the exam. I was playing with my iPod the whole time, while most of my friends were having the 'Sukses SNMPTN' books on their hands and pencil at the other hand. I didn't feel nervous at the exam day. I didn't curious to know the result. At all.
I didn't expect to pass the exam.
And I did laugh, when I knew that I passed it, and registered as a freshman in that university. You can call me the most ungrateful creature on earth.

I didn't even think that I would enter that law school after the examination results are announced : Azizah Mutia Karim, approved. But my friends, the ones who studied hard to get into that school, cursed me "Gila lo Mut kalo FHUI lo lepas, gw gak tau lagi deh yang ada di otak lo tuh apa." Many of them gave me the same words. Karena wkt itu gw lg bingung sama banyak pilihan, trs jadi tiba2 dengan keterimanya gw di FHUI ini bikin otak gw mikir 'perhaps this is fate, God have given me the sign from up above, and showed me the road I should walk in'. So I made up my mind to got into that law school.

However, I am grateful to have what most of people always dreamed of, without dreaming it. The only problem is : they're not my dreams to catch. I have no interest in catching them. Maybe that's why I have no motivation in studying law.
As time goes by, sometimes I have this thought popped up on my mind : "Perhaps this is not what they called fate. Perhaps God opened up this road for me, but the rest, is up to me."
True, the choice is still mine. God only gave me more choices. Doesn't mean that I was meant to take this road.

Staring blankly ahead, keep questioning if this is the life I want.


Oh please God, help me to love those gifts you've given to me.

Amen.


Words, and perfections

Words really distract me sometimes. Look, i read one of my friend's article. And it's all just about excavating a word. So i start writing this thing, the way i've always been looking at words.

There are three lines in songs that I fully remember about words:
"Don't listen too close, their words are like guns. With bullets that fly and kill what you've won" ,Yellowcard - Paper walls
"No matter what they say. Don't believe a word!" , Fall Out Boy - Sophomore slump or comeback of the year
"I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down" ,Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

That proved that words do bring us down. If they don't, those lines wouldn't have existed, huh? What I trully can't understand about word is why could they really manipulating people? I mean, why is everybody obsessed with words, such as'beautiful' or 'gorgeous' or even 'perfect'?

Dan yang pengen gw bahas adalah 'perfect'. Kata2 itu ga berenti2 muncul di kepala gw akhir2 ini. Bukan gara2 gmn caranya gw bs jadi perfect, tapi kenapa kata itu bisa ngebuat semua orang mau jadi gambaran dari kata itu? Gini deh, kita semua tau that nothing in this great wide world is perfect. Dan sepertinya kita semua juga tau kalo life is not perfect.
So why trying so hard to be perfect?
Kalopun ada orang yang sempurna di dunia ini, kesempurnaan yang dia punya itu gak akan berguna. Karena hidup yang ada di samping dia jalan dengan tidak sempurna, makhluk2 lain yang ada di dalem dunia ini jg jalan dg tidak sempurna. Malah bikin sulit hidupnya dan orang2 sekitarnya.
Again, why trying so hard to be perfect?

Hal yang sangat gw yakini sampai saat ini adalah, we can never have 'perfect'. Mmm mungkin karena gambaran sempurna tiap2 orang itu beda. Ga usah tiap2 orang, kita disuruh jelasin gambaran sempurna aja tiap kali jelasin, yang keluar dari mulut kita itu beda. Itulah sebabnya kenapa kita ga bakal bisa sempurna, karena sempurna itu cuma gambaran ideal yang otak kita ciptain sendiri, yang bakal terus berubah-ubah tergantung sama apa yang kita anggep bagus saat itu. Dan sayangnya, sehebat apapun kita bisa gambar, even if we were the greatest painter ever, kita ngga akan bisa gambarin apa yang otak kita bikin tentang sosok si sempurna tadi.
Jelaslah bahwa sempurna itu adalah abstrak dan cuma ada di pikiran kita, bukan di dunia nyata.




Hmmmm atau mungkin....




'sempurna' itu emang cuma kata-kata?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

my sleeping disorder

hello

hmm it's 2:40AM and i can't go to sleep. i got sleeping disorder and i'm planning not to sleep tonite.

i really dont know why, but my brain lately bener2 ngeselin dan ngajak ribut. kyk skrg misalnya. i feel so tired, akhir2 ini gw tidur cm 3-4 jam. gak tau kenapa biar gw udh di tmpt tidur dan merem tp gw gk bisa2 tidur. trs tadi siang gw namarina capeknya Nauzubillah! kyk abis lari 20kilo. Seriously, itu capek bgt, td gw sempet keleyengan nge-blackout hampir pingsan. otomatis gw butuh tidur. gw berencana utk tidur smpe magrib trs pergi sm tmn2.

sampe rumah, jam3 siang gw udh nyampe kasur, guling udh gw peluk, lampu udh gw matiin, mata udh merem. gaktau gimana gw gak berhasil2 utk tidur, pdhl mata gw udh bener2 gk kuat dan badan gw udh bener2 kyk mau runtuh. alhasil gw cm guling2 di kasur, nyoba tidur, ngitung domba, baca surat2, ganti2 gaya tidur, tetep aja gk berhasil2 juga.

akhirnya gw cm guling2 gitu sampe jam 6sore dan gk jadi iktan jalan brg temen gw, gw bener2 capek secapek2nya, dan mencoba utk tidur lagi, 'semoga bisa' gw pikir. kali ini gw lumayan depresi jg saking gk bisa tidurnya, so i made my decision to take a pill so i can take a rest. obat yg gw minum panadol, setau gw emg mayan bikin orang tidur tuh obat. gpp lah sekali2 minum panadol bukan krn sakit kepala ato flu, tapi biar bisa tidur.

gw mikir obat bakal bikin gw tidur. pasti.

setelah bbrp lama gw nyoba tidur lagi.........
nyet gak berubah! efeknya cm mata gw lebih berat dr sebelomnya. tp tetep aja biar mata merem, di kasur, baca surat2, ngitung domba, ngitung kudanil, ngitung gorila, ngitung pak tani nanem jagung, tetep aja gw gk tidur2. demi apapun gw gak ngerti otak gw maunya apa. kl lg keadaan biasa gpp deh gw gak bisa tidur. ini keadaan gw lg bener2 kurang tidur, lg capek secapek2nya, badan gw udh kyk mau runtuh.

tapi yaudahlah capek jg nyoba tidur gak bisa2. this is crazy! i mean, ive been trying to fall asleep since 3pm, now it's almost 3am, and i still cant. but it's okay. ive made up my mind; no sleep tonite!
otak gw lg pengen adu kuat, jadi yaudah gw gak bakal tidur. kita liat mana yang lebih kuat : badan gw, ato otak gw.
kl badan gw lebih kuat, berarti bs nyesuaiin sm otak gw yg gkmau tidur. kl otak gw yg lebih kuat, berarti badan gw rada menjadi korban.

hmmmm, we'll see!